There are three things that women commonly say to men — especially during conflict — that cut a man to the core.
Saying these things can literally trigger a man to shut down emotionally, and to withdraw from you.
1) Anything that implies an inability to provide for his family:
“If you made more money, we would not have to live paycheck to paycheck.”
2) Any suggestion that he has a lack of interest in family time:
“You work such long hours-the kids and I never see you. You spend more time at your job than you do with your family!”
3) Any accusation of a lack of contribution to the household:
“Why not help around the house more? You give all your energy to your career, but nothing left over for the unglamorous tasks like laundry.”
These kinds of criticisms strike at the very core of men, because they are touching on our deep, subconscious need to succeed in these areas.
So if your man’s job is causing challenges in your home, try to not criticize him about that, but work with him, if you want to win his heart.
If you are critical about his abilities to be a breadwinner, he is going to feel discouraged.
But please notice, this is NOT to make excuses for your man’s poor behavior or responses. And it’s not to say that you need to “give in” to his worst tendencies. Quite the opposite…
You have the ability to make real change here: you can either help him to become more successful by complimenting and supporting his hard efforts, or you can be critical and ripping into him all the time — which will make him want to go off into a corner and lick his wounds.
So what do you say instead?
What can you say that will help build him up, and get you more of the results you really want from him?
3 Things You Can Say That Help Him Be Successful…
To help him become more successful, you can say words to this effect:
1) Acknowledging his ability to provide for the family:
“I appreciate your efforts to provide for the family financially. I would like to explore some ways we can boost our household income. At the same, time we can look at ways to cut costs.”
2) Acknowledging his value as a member of the family:
“I know that work is asking a lot of you right now. The kids and I need time with you too because we miss you. How can we work together on this in order to find a way to create a win-win situation?”
3) Acknowledging his contribution to the household:
“I want to be sensitive to how hard you work at the office, but I am working outside the home too. So I am going to need you to step up and do more of the household chores.”
Try out these suggestions with your man, starting today and I think you’ll be thrilled at how quickly your man warms up to you and brings you closer to his heart than you ever thought possible.